Below are the 19 most recent journal entries recorded in stephanie.'s LiveJournal:

Friday, April 8th, 2005
11:41 pm	this is friends-only. mainly because i have this thing with being aware of who is reading the things i'm putting out about my life. Quotes from books and other bits of randomness will still be public, but far apart in time. so add me or leave a comment if you want to read the neurons racing in my brain. x. if I know you in real life and you live by me, you are far less likely to be added. it's just a separation thing. (51 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, February 15th, 2004
12:49 am	Marriage is love. (Comment on this)
Saturday, December 27th, 2003
9:22 pm	My photo of Amanda-Jane is up at www.venuszine.com, you might have to hit refresh to see it. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, December 19th, 2003
8:03 am	( a poem by carol diehl ) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, December 14th, 2003
10:24 pm	hey guys, it would be really neat if you gave me e-hugs so that I can feel super-neat. Don't you want me to feel super-neat? I bet you do! Let me know if you do it so that I can send good vibes your way and not the usual mean ones. I kid, la. Love, Stephanie *HUGS* TOTAL! give floatinggravity more *HUGS* Get hugs of your own (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, November 21st, 2003
11:14 pm	Okay, you can post anything you want to this. Even anonymously if you so choose! You can write what you secretly think of me, an awesome story, or how in love you are with me. Anything! Just be honest (unless it's a fiction story or something I suppose, but whatever) because this is anonymous and IP logging is turned off (as if I could figure that out ANYWAY but yeah). idea stolen from veda and countless others but I'm just listing her because she's the most important, right? so, put your heart on the page, or something equally dramatic. (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
8:01 am	I say cancel school so we can all go dance in the rain like we were meant to. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 17th, 2003
8:16 pm	Tell me of books, movies, websites, artists, music, etc. that will make my head spin and I will love you forever. (21 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, May 23rd, 2003
11:26 pm	falling in love is quite possibly the worst feeling in the world. (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, March 2nd, 2003
2:10 pm	It's amazing to me I can't Seem to say what I'm doing here My tongue is all twisted around the air I'm looking for words that were so well rehearsed But I can't find them anywhere With you there's no easy answer It's true You change the equation that I add up to And all of the things that I thought I knew You turn it around I'm amazed When push comes to shove what I'd give to you Everything I'm amazed The hallways I wouldn't mind crawling through And I'd do it for days and days I'm amazed, I'm amazed That places your taking me to Wait, I thought I had this down I built all my cages and my hide out And I covered all my bases I locked the door, I shut all my windows But you You creep in like a whisper I try not to listen, yeah, but I hear you I'm not really sure just what it is you do But do it again I'm amazed When push comes to shove what I'd give to you Everything I'm amazed The walls that I wouldn't mind crashing through And I'd do it for days and days I'm amazed, I'm amazed At all of the things I know you have done 'Cause this time I think we've really won The tables have turned Now I'm taking my hat off to you You said "we'll see" But darling it's all clear to me I'm amazed And here in the foyer the hallway is small I don't really think it's a hallway at all It's a maze Johnny your suitcase was finally received She's packed up her things and she's ready to leave It's amazing All of the ink that was bled from your hands Has painted a picture that she understands It's amazing And here by the ocean the sky's full of leaves And what they can tell you depends on what you believe The ash is a tree and the voices were three And all that is gone is here sweeping through me It's amazing It's a maze The voice of my father still loud as before It used to scare me but not anymore It's a maze. -Poe "Amazed" (Comment on this)
Sunday, January 12th, 2003
11:11 pm	more Pieces quotes Polaroid Matthew Loren Cohen "The tower looks the same as it always has except for one thing. On the top of the iron structure, a large red heart has seemingly been impaled there." "The man with the candy cart is unshaven and hates kids. He hates his job. He thinks it’s dirty and uncivilized. It always rains here, he thinks, but they still come. I wish the rain would melt them, he thinks. I wish they’d all flow away, down the Seine to the ocean, or to wherever the Seine goes." "The dog spots a woman holding an umbrella. It’s a red umbrella, except it appears only black and white to the dog. She looks like everyone else to the dog. It doesn’t occur to the dog that the woman with the umbrella is looking at a man with a snake tattoo and a Polaroid camera." this is probably my favorite story in the entire book. It's really good (how's that for a simplistically boring adjective). I would definitely recommend reading the book purely for this story. aka go to Borders or wherever, read this story (the second one in the book) and put the book back on the shelf (if you don't think you'd like the rest of the stories, though I personally did.). right. Current Music: the same, it's the same, was it always the same? (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, January 10th, 2003
8:00 pm	Quotes from Pieces Scoring William Clifford: "Would it make you happier if I were...wringing my hands? Mumbling about...the inescapable malaise of mankind's existential torpor...darting eyes, furrowed brow?! That sort of thing?" "The perennial paradox of all those sententious blood-suckers practicing mental health: Seek therapy, where you will be told by your shrink that it is not their responsibility to provide you with the answers, they are merely a guide for your journey to self-awareness, self-discovery. The answers lie in you and you alone. Yet they're the ones who decide when and if you need a fucking Band-Aid!" "Eventually, as I completely fell apart and was swept away by fatigue, eventually the idea of falling asleep sober - the idea of falling into a nonchemical bliss where I am safe - eventually the idea seemed plausible." Current Music: pj harvey (Comment on this)
Monday, January 6th, 2003
12:07 am	I found the page in one of my notebooks where I wrote my favorite parts of the perks... so I thought I'd share. The Perks of Being a Wallflower "I think that not knowing is what really bothers me." "I think about the idea of property. And I wonder if anyone is really happy. I hope they are. I really hope they are." "We accept the love we think we deserve." "Not everyone has a sob story, and even if they do, it's no excuse." "I feel infinite." "Brad wouldn’t even let Patrick hold him, which seems rather sad to me because if I have sex with someone, I would want to hold them." "If you listen to the song “Asleep,” and you think about those pretty weather days that make you remember things, and you think about the prettiest eyes you’ve known, and you cry, and the person holds you back, then I think you will see the photograph." "I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in old photographs. And I hope they believe me." "First, I am very interested and fascinated by how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other. Second, the fights are always the same." "I would go to my bedroom window and stare at my reflection in the glass and the trees behind it and just listen to the song for hours." "Anything to not feel like crying. Because I made the promise to Aunt Helen. And because I don’t want to start thinking again. Not like I have this last week. I can’t think again. Not ever again." "It’s like when you’re excited about a guy and you see a couple holding hands, and you feel so happy for them. And other times you see the same couple, and they make you so mad. And all you want is to always feel happy for them because you know that if you do, then it means that you’re happy, too." "For the first time in my life, I understand the end of that poem. And I never wanted to. You have to believe me." "Sam blamed television. Patrick blamed the government. Craig blamed the “corporate media”. Bob was in the bathroom." (one of the funniest lines in the book) I love that book so much. I need to get my copy back. Badly. It pisses me off that Alison hasn't given it back. Current Music: annie waits annie waits (otherwise known as Jaime waits) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, December 31st, 2002
12:27 pm	So I started reading The Lovely Bones this morning, and it's so fucking wonderful and I can't stop reading it. But I had to because I needed to eat. It's just amazing. And if there is a heaven I want it to be like that because otherwise I'm just going to hell with my friends. I think I like it because it's just so realistic. The entire situation could happen to me. But then again, maybe I'm just obsessed with myself. What do I mean maybe, I'm a narcissist at heart. Happy New Years Eve, I hope 2002 was everything you hoped for. Even though it probably wasn't. So it goes. My dog is so wonderfully sweet. Current Music: no body, no home, finally alone (Comment on this)
Wednesday, December 18th, 2002
5:42 pm	Namedropper (Emma Forrest) He was a super-shiny boy and I liked the shape of him. Under the blanket. In the shower. I liked his shadow on the street and his imprint on the sofa. I hated the smell of hair gel on his head, but loved it on the pillow. I love the smell of losing someone. From the time I met him, he left me little clues of a man, a trail of bread crumbs to a gingerbread cottage. Inside the cottage were peeling pictures of Elizabeth Taylor and Marilyn Monroe that keep sliding to the floor because the walls were too sweet to hold Blu-Tack. I tried to pick the posters off the floor and got so distracted, I ended up in an oven. So I climbed out of the oven and out of the house and I was saving myself, but it hurt so bad. I found the boy I loved, but he didn’t want to hug me because I was blistered and spotted with bread crumbs. I looked up close because, up close, I could always see myself reflected in the surface of his shiny, iconic beauty. But suddenly he had pores, grey hairs, and chapped lips. And I couldn’t see a damn thing. (p.11, but it's the first page of the story) I think I like that part best out of the entire book. It's just so pretty and random. Current Music: portishead (6 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, December 14th, 2002
12:37 am	My words are so clumsy when they need to mean the most. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, November 25th, 2002
4:06 pm	just my heart gets rejected by my veins ( pretty words ) I always feel like a song, but never the happy ones. Because all I want is someone to love me like I wish I loved me. For being a genius, I'm awfully dumb. I mean I'm writing a story that pretty much outlining all of my insecurities, centering on the ones I get around my friends. or "friends", I guess I should say, just to be insecure. How do I expect myself to show that to them? Because I'm writing about them too, who I think they are inside. Who am I to think that I can do this? I'm so full, and yet, so empty. Also, when I wasn't depressed, my parents insisted on putting me on Prozac and sleeping pills. Now that I feel depressed, they tell me that I don't need the medication. I hate how they can't seem to fucking understand. Talking to them just aggravates me more, instead of helping. Someday I'm just going to scrawl (obviously, I love the word scrawl)one the walls my melodramatic goodbyes, in my pretty letters, grab a bag, and leave. I just don't know where I'll go. (7 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, November 24th, 2002
9:59 pm	Sliding I spent hours last night scrawling "Self Evident" onto my doorframe in tiny letters that are nearly impossible to read. The first hour was spent finding the perfect black pen. I'm so picky. All the time my mom tells me how much I'll have to fix the room so they can sell it. Fix the tiny pushpin holes that hold up the pictures scattering my walls. The broken closet door. And now, the scrawled over doorframe. But without all that, I don't think I could possibly be comfortable in my room. In my own room. It's an extension of me and I don't believe in inhibiting myself. I want a room where people enter and fall in love. With me and my surroundings. My mystique. Current Music: she's my heroin(e) (Comment on this)
Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
3:07 pm	wheee Which RioT GrrrL Band are You? brought to you by Quizilla I think that this completely justifies me kidnapping Carrie Brownstein and taking her to the park so we can go on the merry go round. Current Music: sleater kinney - "off with your head" (Comment on this)